Why Am I Here?

Quick link: I Am Here to Worship

Today I’m at A Life Overseas, writing about what the heck am I doing in Africa and about how it isn’t exactly what I expected. The post is about when I began to understand what purpose ran deeper than the surface, external work we do. Yes, the University is important, yes, my work with the running club matters. Yes, the school kit donations and small business development matters. But beneath it all, what undergirds my sense of purpose no matter where I live or what I doing?


My husband was at the University working a lot of the time, I couldn’t communicate, struggled to feed my family, felt incredibly lonely and foreign.

One afternoon after a particularly awkward conversation in which I asked a woman if she was carrying a baby in the bundle on her back (I think that’s what I asked) and she responded that it was the dirty laundry of her wealthy neighbor (I think that’s what she said), I called the kids to go inside before the call to prayer.

I put on a movie for the twins and retreated to the office to listen to music by myself. I hoped their movie and my music would drown out the sound of me crying and for once was thankful my husband wasn’t home yet. Culture shock and isolation and feelings of uselessness consumed me.

“What on earth am I doing here?” I said. I’m an actor in a play, wearing strange clothes, eating strange food, speaking memorized lines. I’m an alien, transplanted to a planet where every single thing is different and I will never make sense.