By Lara Sukhtian | AFP News – Tue, Feb 14, 2012
Emirati love guru Widad Lootah is not your typical marriage
counsellor. She is an ultra-conservative Muslim who wears the full veil and
talks a lot about sex, often quoting the Muslim holy book the Koran.
On the eve of Valentine's day, Lootah is calling on Muslim
and Arab women everywhere to "embrace love and love making."
"Don't shy away from it, don't feel ashamed by it.
Enjoy it, you're supposed to," she said in an interview with AFP, adding
that she is trying to break common misconceptions that sex in Islam is only
about conceiving children.
"It's also about having fun," she said.
Dressed in a shroud of black revealing only her eyes -- a
choice, she says, that allows her to emulate the Muslim prophet's wives --
Lootah was frank and explicit about the importance Islam places on a healthy
sex life.
"It's at the core" of a happy marriage, she said.
Lootah noted that her 11 years as a marriage counsellor at
the Dubai courthouse made her realise that "what happens (or doesn't
happen) in bed" is the main source of marital problems in the United Arab
Emirates.
Public, and in many cases private, discussions about sex are
still taboo in much of the conservative Muslim world, a reality she says
contradicts Islam's approach to the subject.
There are only two simple rules for sex in Islam: you must
be married "and anal sex is strictly forbidden," Lootah said.
"Everything else, including all sexually intimate acts
below the belly button, is allowed. Feel each other, touch each other, kiss
each other all over... it's OK."
The problem is, "there is so much shame and
disgrace" associated with the enjoyment of sex in the Arab world.
Lootah is an adamant believer in bringing the discussion of
sex out into the open, although at times doing so has proven it can be a risky
business.
In 2009, she published the much-debated Muslim sex guide
"Top Secret: Sexual Guidance for Married Couples."
Her book, and her comments in interviews on the subject,
initially triggered a slew of insults, condemnation and even threats against
her life.
"They called me all sorts of things: crazy, vile,
immoral, criminal," she said. "Some even called me a traitor and spy
for Israel and America."
Today, Lootah is probably the UAE's most prominent marriage
counsellor, known by her clients as "Mama Widad."
Lootah has also vigorously lobbied her home government to
introduce sexual education in Emirati schools.
For older teens, "it's very important that we educate
them, both males and females, about sex... we have to prepare them
psychologically and emotionally for it, and we have to teach them about the act
itself."
But first, we must "educate the teachers so they can
educate the students," said Lootah, adding that such education would also
help protect young children from sexual predators.
They have to be "taught what form of adult-child
interaction is appropriate and what's not," she said. "We need to
teach them so they know to recognise the danger when it's there."
She said the taboos surrounding sex have also contributed to
high divorce rates in the Emirates and to generally unhappy marriages.
In about a month, Lootah plans to submit her second book,
"Top Secret Volume Two," to the government censors, and in
traditional Lootah style, its pages will contain a lot of sex talk.
But this time, the topic of discussion is forbidden sex
under Islam.
"It's about homosexual and lesbian relations and their
effect on the institution of marriage," said Lootah, adding that she had
to tread carefully given the sensitivity of the subject and intense emotions it
stirs in the Muslim world.
When asked why she has taken on the cause of love and sex in
Islam, Lootah argued that it was an issue of "women's rights."
"I can't fix everything... but I can try and fix the
role of women (in sex and marriage) in the Arab world."
As for her opinion of Valentine's day, she says Islam
forbids the celebration of non-Muslim holidays.
"But if you consider Valentine's day as a mere reminder
to show one's love to another, then why not? I don't object to it," she
said. But "if that's the case, then every day should be Valentine's
day."
Any last words of advice?
"Experience love... even before marriage, that's OK.
But don't do anything forbidden by Islam."
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